along comes a little joy.

I don't know if I told you that I cut my hair while I was in Chicago for the Haas/Panzar wedding! 

Ok, so don't anyone that's reading this freak out. For if you stay with me for as long as it's going to take to grow this beast of a head of hair out, bless you...because along the way, it's going to have to get cut and sometimes like in life, that hurts. 

What is she rambling about this time?

I am trying to start a blog about the joys of time and waiting, like I talked about in my last post. 

About 4 weeks ago, I trimmed my top layer and my bangs. And this is a picture of the day I cut my hair. 

Sad to report, that was the only day where it looked GREAT. After that, since then, not. so. hot. 

Ok, so fast forward 4 weeks. I have been patiently wearing it half up or curly a lot or in a short ponytail with a bump and it has been really, as my friend Quinn puts it, my hair is always, all of the time, "A HOT MESS." And then, I woke up today and decided to wash it, dry it straight and see what was under the hot mess. And behold...it wasn't as bad as I thought. It actually looks pretty darn good. It's getting longer...and looks longer. Even though it feels like it's SO much shorter. I think I cut a lot off when I was hacking away at it in Chicago and didn't realize what I may have done. My mini shag is back. I'm not sure this is where I wanted to go from here, but it does help with the process of growth. There is still a lot to play with in front. Long choppy layers and what not, but a lot more health and a free ounce of patience that I didn't ask for. That's what happens along the way. You wait and wait and wait and pout and scream and dream and then one day...poof along comes a little joy.

In a time of my life where so much is corresponding to my hair...I am overcome by the parable of a little joy today.

As I turned on the news this morning to watch the devastation we call life, jk, I was overcome with sadness. This continued into my day as I ran out of time waxing my legs and only could do one(right, picture that insanity). Again, I was sad when I climbed into my truck to find the inside windshield wet with dew. And lastly, a friend's mom died today. :( boo

There has been a lot of sadness in my life the last 6 weeks. Starting with H's death and continuing through with crappy morning. There have been days lately where I felt like the gloom cloud was going to swallow me whole. 

Then, 

along comes a little joy. 

My little joy or joys have been this list lately.

* fresh strawberries and stir fry

* Tess: the amazing bubble of joy I work next to at the spa.

* waxing my armpits (sorry if that's tmi, but it is amazing if you haven't tried it, and you hate shaving everyday, you will LOVE it, I promise!!!)

* on my ownness

* Buck grabbing my bootay, a lot

* a cupcake 

* living in it, instead of pulling out. 

* GOD and I's conversations.

* Dreaming again 

This list may not seem long or exhaustive to you, but it's complete enough for me. And it's when you are just about to say, you know what...life sucks and this isn't worth it and why do I even try and what good is this doing and the    why's keep getting bigger and will it ever end and on and on and on...

along comes a little joy

to make you believe again. to help you take a hold of what you want again. and it grabs at your heart strings and plays a concerto. It shakes your insides like liquid smoothie. 

And for one second you breathe a little easier.

perhaps even for a minute.

an hour? 

With this joy, lately, it has brought me relief. With my hair and with my heart.

A couple of pics after an 8 hour work day.

patience with my hair...

Oh, and it's the same right now with my hair. I want to cut it. But thank goodness, patience comes in many forms. Clean up my layers, wear it pulled back a lot. Often. Almost every day. And sometimes this is what it takes. Patience in learning...growing. Teaching yourself things to help you get through. To the next part. Because lately, my patience is running super thin. Do I bleach it? Do I color it? What would keep it the healthiest for the grow out process...so many things coming into play now a days. And not just with my hair.
Lately, in my life this has taken on a waiting period. But there is movement even in the waiting. There is growth that happens when we pull it back and take care of our hair, our lives. In the patience stage where it takes everything not to cut. it. all. off.
Yesterday I was cleaning my house. The entire house. And I came upon not one, but two pair of clippers. Like mens barber shop clippers. And I thought to myself not once, but twice(I think you see the image now)
"you could totally shave it all off Kristen."
And the second time I even picked up the clipper and really considered it. It would be like beginning again. A totally fresh palette. A new beginning spot. The idea is great, but there are things at play here that wouldn't really help with this conceptual dream of mine.
#1). I have gray hair. So, even if I shaved it off to the point of like a "1" or a "2" which is SUPER short...the gray would still be there. And this is not a clean palette.
#2). A means to an end. I think not. THIS IDEA IS NOTHING WHAT I WANT.

So, I quickly learned a lesson in that strange avant garde moment...keep my eyes on the prize. The goal is long hair. The avenue...I don't know yet really how.
Back to my house cleaning...
I was reminded on a lesson I learned this summer. Or should I say relearned or put into practice. Surround yourself with things that will remind you of your wants, your goals.
I want long hair. Tomorrow I am going to make a poster of girls with long hair like I want.
I am also going to decorate my art room and make it a place I want to hang out. If this means spending a little cash, so be it.
Growing takes time...LOL
yes it does.