Cooking and attempting new things

My therapist and I talk often at how becoming an adult takes a long time. That it's not so much about arriving, but the effort along the way. The moments where you conquer fear and choose life instead of hiding.
If I were to put it into words, I would say it is defined more by this quote than by age.
"It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are." e.e. cummings
It also reminds me of cooking and the attempt to cook something new.

You may have had amazing apple pie your entire life. Grandma may have had one cooling on the windowsill when you came over every sunday or at Thanksgiving, when your special aunt brings her's by. Or, what about that local shop on the corner that serves it a la mode? In Wisconsin, they serve theirs with Sharp Cheddar Cheese on top.
Growing up in my house, my Uncle Jim used to come out to visit from California and every time he'd swing through this spot in southeastern Wisconsin and bring us up an Apple Pie in a bag! I am telling you, I am not sure I've ever tasted better?! That's my childhood memory at least.

So today, I decided to make my first apple pie. I've been cooking a lot lately and trying new things.  Stretching my culinary muscles has been scary. I was nervous as heck today because it was not only my first pie, but it was for Wesley @ Napa. He was SO kind putting in my tail light when it's not his job at all the other day and I wanted to bring him a gift.  As I read through the reciepe, my fears grew.  What if the apples aren't really sweet enough?  What if your gift isn't delicious? What if? As silly and perhaps humorous as it all may sound, I realized in that moment that the same types of questions running through my mind were exactly like all of the insecurities and some old tapes that play on my self worth and becoming an adult. Kristen, your worth is not in an apple pie.  So peel those apples woman!!!

I know lately as I have been feeling like I have conquered another step towards adulthood and growing up, I am often almost set back by my fear. The fear that I haven't really moved forward because I have jumped backwards into a child like state for a time being. Whether it's one minute baking an apple pie, an entire afternoon or even weeks at a time. I am reminded that "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. -- Ambrose Redmoon

Peel those apples Kristen. Take the next first step in your journey. A gift, is about the thought, not the gift. Apples, sugar, butter and flour? How can you go wrong?! But, more importantly and much more honest, the step of courage to go there, do that, is not easy. Growing up takes time!

Recipe I used!  Except that I made my own applesauce from a drained jar of canned pears, a two apples in a blender with a tsp. of agave nectar for sweetness.